I open the door to the cafe and like the girl that I am; I have a hard time opening it. Thank god for the stranger behind me that helps me with the door. I am so embarrassed. I hope Dean didn’t see that and am mentally kicking myself in the ass. I need to stay strong and be really confident right now.
Breathe, just breathe.
I don’t even need to be seated by the hostess, because I can already see him. He is sitting in the booth that he calls ours. I hate this booth. It is a hard leather red and black seat with a huge rip in it. Every time I wear a dress or skirt it rubs on my thigh, always leaving a mark.
I slide down in the booth across from him and give him my signature smile; the one I have faked to perfection when it comes to him. The smile that says you are a complete asshole and I hate looking at your asshole face but I don’t want you to know that I think you are an asshole.
God, I hate him.
Dean reaches across the table, grabs my hand and starts to rub his thumb across my knuckles. I lean forward and start to speak. But as I am about to open my mouth he takes his left pointer finger and places it in front to basically shut me up. He gives me that tsk, tsk look, as if I am to know better than to begin the conversation. Ugh, I absolute loath him. This is classic Dean, he feels like a woman should not speak unless spoken too. Bastard!
He starts talking and is going on and on about his day at work, which I can care less about. Instead, I pretend I’m listening and am interested while I dig deep inside and focus on what I need to tell him, what I am dying to say. I feel like I can no longer breathe, I have to get this out. Right now!
“Dean, please shut up and let me say what it is that I came here to say.”
Naturally he is fuming; I can always tell when he is angry at me because his jaw line becomes really tight. God I am so scared, what if he reaches across this table and smacks the shit out of me like he did last time I said something he didn’t like. That is why I asked if we meet at our Cafe and not his place. I need people to be here in case he does something stupid.
Here goes nothing.
“Dean I care about you a lot. However, so much has happened between us that I can’t get past. I know for a fact that you have been cheating on me and I deserve so much better than you. I am so sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore. I have tried, God knows I have tried, but I can’t keep doing this to myself. I am no longer in love with you Dean.”
Oh God, he is pissed. Please don’t do anything stupid, please.
He sits there looking into my eyes as if he is trying to burn my soul. He does this all the time to get me to change my mind, but no more. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, then he shakes his head and laughs. What!?! You think I am joking. Fuck you!
The next thing I know he is pulling something out of his briefcase, my stomach is in knots I am so nervous. My mind is racing wondering what it is he has to show me.
What could he have? Certainly not that, oh God, did I get rid of it.
When he pulls out the pregnancy test I took this morning, at my apartment two hours ago, I know that my life is over and he will never let me leave him.