Friday, February 21, 2014

Scars by Angel

I stand here in my bedroom naked in front of the mirror. I touch my neck, my breast, my belly, and my abdomen. I think to myself how silly I once was to think that I was a hideous monster. I hated every single scar that I had. It wasn’t fair that I had to endure the pain and the heartache of each and every one of my scars. Each scar had their very own story and those stories weren't pretty at all. 
My first scar is one that is bittersweet. It is a c-section scar. This scar is the reminder of the amazing child that I brought I to this world. Then just 3 years after my beautiful baby was born that scar was reopened. This scar reminds me every day that I can no longer have children of my own. Yes I may sound selfish and I am selfish because there are woman out there that can’t have children. Then I put my ass back in check.
The next scar is the ugliest one. My nice dark scar that touches my bellybutton that measures out 3 inches. This scar has been reopened about 12 times. I had so much scar tissue in me that the doctors had to go in and remove all the scar tissue that they could find. 
This next scar isn’t too bad, but it is still there. It is the scar that seats in between my breast. I would rather not talk about that one. Hints it wasn’t that big of a deal to me. (My gallbladder stopped working so the doctors had to remove it. I also have two tiny scars on my right side as well from this same procedure)
My very last scar, and god I hope this is the last one. (After this surgery I wore a scarf around my neck for three months. I was to embarrassed to let people see my hideous scare. I didn't want all the looks and all the questions.) Is a lovely terrifying scar on my neck, when I was 28 they had to remove my thyroid gland. I was so freaking scared. My child was stronger than I was, telling me over and over again that I will be ok. I had my fiancee by my side. Man was he a shaking mess and trying do damn hard to be strong for me. All he said to me was. Baby I love you more then you will ever know. When they are putting you to sleep, think about me and you on the beach. Try to remember how you felt when the sun hit your beautiful soft tan skin. And the most important thing to remember is the way my lips felt on my soft, full, pouty pink lips. I will be here when you come out of recovery. I love you! Then he comes back into the room and told one of  the nurses to please remind her of our time on the beach so it will help her be calm once that needle is in her arm, since I will not be there to hold her hand.

So when I am standing in front of the mirror caressing my scars, he stands there and looks into my eyes through the mirror. He always walks over to me and kneels in front of me. Once he is kneeling down on the ground he takes his lips and leaves soft kisses on every scar that I have. While he is leaving his feather kisses he whispers all of your scars are perfect because they are what helped mold you into this crazy, amazing, strong, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy ass woman that you are today! He always has a way of making me forget all the ugliness. It is so crazy how one look and a few small words can help change and make things so much better.

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