Thursday, December 25, 2014

Our Special Day by Me.....

Our Special Day

I am walking down the aisle headed straight to my future. He looks amazing, sexy, and outright hot in his black tuxedo with his I just got fucked hair. It is taking everything in me not to rip this hideous dress off me and jump him right here and now in front of all of our family and friends. I am now standing right in front of him and we are hand in hand. Oh My Gosh! I’m nervous as hell. Both of our hands are so sweaty; he must be just as nervous.

He comes forward and is so close that we are nose to nose now, I hear someone clear their throat. Chuckling, I whisper to Shawn saying that he can’t kiss me yet.  He gives me an Eskimo kiss and pulls my veil back causing me to shiver and give me goose-bumps everywhere. 

Oh Lord give me strength, this man is my weakness. How did I get so lucky?!

The priests startles me when he says, “Does anyone think these two should not be married, if so, speak now or forever hold your peace.  Shawn and I just roll our eyes because we know everyone in our whole town wants us to be married. We have been together since we were in high school and now we are both 28.

Wow, 13 years! I can’t believe it’s been that long. Holy cow!

Oh no…!
I see someone start to stand up out of the corner of my eye. Shawn and I turn to see Missy, my best-friend since I was 5 years old, saying she has something very important to say. That she can no longer keep it in and it is killing her but it has to be said.  
“Shawn, I am in love with you! I have been since I was a freshman in high school, but I would never say anything because I have always known that Mia was your soul mate. But before you marry her there is something that you need to know. And it might change how today will end.”

Oh god…NO!! Missy please don’t, I thought we were friends. I confided in you. Oh God!
Missy continues, “Mia was pregnant our senior year. She was going to have an abortion but when we got to the clinic the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. Mia never told you because she didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry Mia, but I have to tell him, he deserves to know.”
Bitch!!! How could you do this and of all the days and all the moments you could have told him; you chose TODAY! Our wedding day! I stare at her in complete shock, how she could tell him this now and in front of our entire family and friends. She had dozens of chances to say something, why did it have to be today. Shawn turns to me and says, “Mia, pretty girl, please tell me that Missy is lying; that you would never keep something like this from me. Baby?”

I am a complete sobbing mess and I open my mouth to tell him but no words come out. I feel like someone has reached down my throat and ripped my heart out. Please forgive me Shawn! I tried to speak again but all I could do was nod my head, yes, that it’s true. Sobbing into my hands I try to put together what to say to him. But how do you tell the love of your life you were going to abort his baby 10 years ago and didn’t even tell him you were pregnant. I have to try, if only I could get the words out.

Shawn, my love, I don’t know where to start but please try to understand. I wasn’t ready; neither of us was, not at 18. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to go through with it when I got there; and I was completely torn in two when I was told there was no heartbeat but was relieved at the same time. I know that doesn’t make my decision by not telling you any better, but I tired numerous times to tell you after but never could so I chose to deal with the loss on my own. Please understand! I didn’t want to hurt you. You were about to start college and you were so focused and dead set on making it into law school. And I was worried about the distance that would put between us and then were stressing because you didn’t hear from the scholarship foundation yet. I didn’t want you to have to bear the burden of losing a child on top of it all. God knows I wish I could go back but I can’t. Shawn, please, I beg you to understand.
Shawn is yelling now and telling everyone that the wedding is off, and hearing that snaps me out of my thoughts and all I can do is watch as he runs straight for the church doors; as I fall to the ground begging God to forgive me. To not let me lose the one man that has owned my heart since I was 15 years old. Please God, don’t let him give up on us, help him understand why I did what I did all those years ago.

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